Dear self,

You are learning to accept. To accept that there will be days you look your best, and there will be days that you look worse than you feel (because you feel comfy in your torn clothes but you may not want to leave the house looking like that).

Stop feeling fake when you're looking your very best (even though you don't carry that image 95% of the time) because it's called "being dressed for the occasion". The you that you are in a chic black dress is the same you in your faded black tee and Cheetah pants.

You are still you - the valuable person that I love. The valuable person that He loves.

Now that you know this, you might want to finish up on your last assignment for the semester.

Thus, the last 3 weeks of my first semester have begun. One sem down, two more to go.

God has blessed. God is so worthy, so true, never-changing - the same yesterday, today and forever. God is real, holy, powerful and good. It is good to remember this when discouraged.

Some of my favourite foods in West Malaysia:
Chapatti is my favourite thing to eat in a mamak
Kopi bru is my favourite drink in that particular mamak
Otak-otak may be my favourite supper (well it sure is the cheapest if we're comparing prices)
Maggi Kari is my favourite Friday dinner.
Luxury biscuits for snacks...

And I haven't gained any weight...

It used to be that I would eat Chappati with Chutney once a week (Thursday breakfast breaks, possibly the best part of Thursday morning class ha ha) but because Monday lunches are not prepared for us, I have upped the Chapatti count to an average of two a week. That means the amount of Chutney in my system might be getting a little unhealthy. Chutney is made of coconut which may or may not cause high cholesterol.

I love my cell group in church - a bunch of us young adults sharing honestly, growing together - intellectually and spiritually, growing towards God. Sundays are great and I am very grateful for them. I can honestly say that I will miss them every holiday when I am back in Kuching.

The weekend was spent with my sister at our aunty's house. At 4:20am (I was sleeping...), I felt something crawl in the blanket and so I pushed it off and continued sleeping. Suddenly, something moved on my thigh! And I sat up and squealed and crushed it dead in my pants with a vengeance! Can you feel how absolutely gross it was??? It was so gross, a few bad words escaped my lips and I am repenting of it. That stupid cockroach who tried to get in my pants is now dead!!!!!!

My brain tells me, "Prisoners living in poor conditions face cockroaches everyday, Rene. You seriously gotta be tougher than this."

Anyway, May is now with the pheeyawnsay in the US of A. He had better take good care of her.

I have one Christian Ethics reflection left to write, several Gospel of Matthew lessons left to prepare and a Children Ministry lesson to perform. And then after that it's holiday for a month and maybe I'll try to earn me some monies... hehehe.

All work done must be done motivated by the love and grace bestowed upon us. The gift of God precedes his demands. So now, I best be getting to work!

Love,
reneyapyapyap!

I went to Seremban last weekend as part of an E-Team.

E-Team stands for Evangelizing Team. But it is more accurate to call it a Ministry Team (M-Team) because our emphasis is on ministry; evangelism just happens to be one of the things that is done. However, I'm used to saying E-Team and it sounds cooler so I'll just stick with that.

In Seremban, E-Team can also mean Eating Team.

There are a few things to say about Seremban - good things. It's small - quite like Kuching! Everywhere is near everywhere and near really means near! So many birds in the air (we can infer that there's lots of bird poop as well but still nice la to drive with a view of swarms of birds)!

I have never experienced generosity to the extent that I did in Seremban. I was blessed to the very extreme! A lovely couple opened their home to us and that was a super awesome treat. A part-time BCM-er brought me to visit STM (Seminari Theologi Malaysia) and I made new acquaintances over the weekend. All our meals were... paid for. I especially enjoyed my first meal in Seremban - Cheese Baked Rice with Pork in iDelicious!

This church showed me what Agape looks like.

Fear and apprehension.

Those were the first emotions I got in touch with when I stepped into IQ70plus – the home for mentally challenged children – for the first time. Inquisitiveness and my spirit of adventure quickly evaporated at the sight of a mentally challenged person moving towards me. My imagination went wild. See, I thought that mentally challenged people were mentally ill/disturbed or demon-possessed like those in the asylum and I thought they would hurt me. Hence, I moved closer to the caretaker who seemed to be the only normal person in the house. It took me some time to feel comfortable.

I looked around, asked some questions and tried to get used to the surrounding of faces staring at me with their distorted facial features and some contorted bodies.

There was this dark child. I mistook her for a boy for the most part of the time I was there. She couldn’t tell me otherwise. She held a picture book, pointed at an image and slurred “kalur” (colour) and “meow” (cat). She touched my hand and I flinched. Again, the fear of violent assault crossed my mind. I was afraid that this mentally challenged child would hit me. But she took my hand and placed it on the book. I pointed to the images and said something about colours, clothes, the cat, shoes and bed, and turned to the next page. We did that for the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes is quite some time – especially if the book only has five pages. At the end of it, she was no smarter, and I was a little more enlightened. At least, that is what I hope.

About a month later, I visited again – mainly to speak to one of the workers there in order to fulfill my assignment and hopefully, to learn something as well.

Meet Suseela who was 6 months into the job as a carer, a devoted 44-year-old Hindu woman with short hair that made her look ten years younger. A long, long time ago, it was her dream to become what she is today – a carer for the mentally challenged. Not many people have this “calling” it seems (or perhaps they turn a deaf ear?). Yet, can we really blame them? It is extremely difficult to love a person who (due to the limitations of their mental faculties) cannot love you back. Suseela possesses an innate love and compassion for the children, as well as her love for her Hindu god. “Mesti sabar dan mesti sayang mereka” is a summary of how she deals with the challenges that come with caring for 31 children along with a few other workers.

The children are, for the most part, happy persons. They know not many things, and they know not that they know not.

Bibi is a 16-year-old shirtless boy with a shaved head and hands in his diapers. One thing that he likes is to play with soap. More accurately, if he is not given soap, he would play with excrement. BoyBoy is an underweight, pleasant, obedient boy who comes when called. There’s also an adult guy (these children aren’t exactly children in terms of their physical age) who helpfully folded clothes and carried them in with a big smile on his face.

Some lie on the ground, unable to get up and walk because the mental handicap prevents them from learning how to. Others sit on chairs, looking like they watch television all day long but it is more likely that they are in their own world doing their own thing. They grow old and bigger in size physically, but their minds remain that of an infant.

And I wondered, what purpose does their existence serve?

I think one reason is that they serve to remind us. To remind us that we are not all that complete either and that we will never be perfectly complete (physically, mentally and spiritually) as long as we remain on this earth, finite and fallen. They remind us to be grateful for what we already possess – our mental faculties. That I am able to write this reflection paper and you are able to read and understand it is something to be thankful to God about. They teach us to love, though they themselves are unable to love.

Still, after all the assignments are written, the nagging question remains.

Do we really care?

In about a week, I will land in the good ol' airport of Kuching, grin a big grin and consume all the good food (only five dishes come to mind at this moment) and just CHILL~~ WITH MA DOGGIES AND PARENTS AND FRIENDS.

For some reason, life in the dorm gives me almost the same feeling as life back in my East Malaysian room. It feels normal! Which is great, really. That said, I get a different roommate each semester and my level of enjoyment in the dorm will probably vary according to whether or not I click with the roommate but for now, all is well so that's all I have to say on this matter.

I get to go to chapel almost everyday which is pretty awesome. Studies are interesting! Assignments are endless! Reading is work! Thankfully all I have to do is turn the Introvert-Recluse-Get-Reading-With-Perhaps-Some-Food switch on, get reading for some hours (with a little Facebook in between, I'll admit) and I come out of it feeling like I did a fantastic honest day's labour which makes me feel cool... like a nerd. This is how I roll...

I know my blog posts seem to make my life sound all happy and perfect but oh no, my friend, life isn't perfect, it's just that God gives me cheer (and tolerance haha) to make the best of it and he's given me so many blessings I really shouldn't complain at all. I am learning, one day at a time.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes. - Romans 1:16

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. - John 1:12

O_O

^_^

._.

HELLO. yeah... hi.

I haven't blogged in so long, I think I've become really awkward with it.

Anyway, let's get down to business.

Since August 19,
- I've experienced a whirlwind of experiences - some good, some not so good; some eccentric, some breathtaking.

- I've met people (probably the second most important thing you'd want to meet in the journey of life) - some super kind, loving and truly respect-worthy, some slightly odd... but they're still people nonetheless.

- I've gone to Mid Valley Megamall too many times. The first week I was here, I went twice. This week, I went three times. It's like the Spring of KL. I went to buy necessities, food, and a very necessary pair of formal pants and an even more necessary pair of flats. I really hope these are good investments and last as long as possible because they took me almost forever to get them and they're stinking expensive by Kuching standards!

- I've listened to an Old Testament scholar teach Lamentations in the most interesting way. In this area of education, I am extremely blessed to have him as my lecturer (Fun fact: this guy taught my dad too!)

- I've taken up classes you'd never be able to take in a normal school. Out of the blue, it would hit me that I am actually in a Bible college. I think it hasn't fully dawned on me that I AM IN A BIBLE COLLEGE. Like, wow, hey I'm in a Bible college... yeah.

- I've volunteered (or rather, I was volunteered by my college) to be a volunteer at a huge conference. That was a pretty cool experience considering the fact that I met a few thousand people, heard many life stories and testimonies of God's providence and I was able to usher people, something I've never quite done before? PR skills definitely improved. That said, being an extroverted introvert (or ambivert), I was in desperate need of a recharge (eg. rest and sleep). And being in wedges for many hours hurts!!

- I've learnt - like, really learnt - about being a normal sister in Christ to the men and women here. I suppose I only just realised that I struggle a bit with this acceptance thing... I don't know if they'll accept the real me; yet I don't actually worry about this nor do I consciously hide my personality. It's a vague feeling that I can't really put my finger on... Anyway, when I understand myself better, I am free to be a normal sister to them and I'd treat them like they're my sibling lah (still working on feeling comfortable with that but that's the ideal.)

All the above, every single thing written above, was given to me by God. He is the one that allowed me to enter Bible college (I thought I wasn't going to be accepted and felt so disappointed tbh), he gave me these experiences and he is still teaching me!

There's a vast difference between knowing about God and knowing God; between studying theology and practicing what Jesus taught. What I learnt at the college's annual camp is that God is interested in me, not my degrees. My degrees are but tools for his glory.

God is interested in you, not your degrees. Your degrees are but tools for his glory.

Lastly,

Mom and Dad, May and Ray, Lara, Cookie, Inky, Tiger, Vader, I love you all.

Happy birthday to me!

I am nineteen years old now.

This birthday is going to remain in my memory with a fond, sentimental feeling, aye. And if I ever forget, I'll just reread this blog post and be reminded of God's blessings in my life.

The night before the Day was celebrated with and by my wonderful "juniors" (who are mostly older than me haha) at Secret Recipe. Is that incredible or what? It's incredible!!! They got me a devotional book from the Logos Hope which is one of the best gifts I've ever received!

We went from Secret Recipe to the Waterfront to a sampan ride across the Sarawak River to kek lapis tasting to the Bazaar Ramadan to supper at Open Air till midnight! Midnight!!! I can't help feeling really happy and thankful inside for my friends whom I've only known since February 2013.

Thank you Brenda, Shu Wern, Wui Kong, Jeffrey for making me feel so loved. I love you all.

Thank you God for giving me these lovely friends.

So the Day arrived, and kind messages were received from some more caring people. Also received two key chains and a letter from a friend in West Malaysia and an email from Korea and Facebook wishes from lotsa peeps! You know who you are and here's a big grin for you :D!!!

My siblings (who are the best siblings in my eyes) are really good at announcing to the world that their baby sister aged a little. May showers me with too many praises and I am pleased heheheehehe.

I am extremely encouraged today. And so I would like to encourage you to keep loving and appreciating the people around you! Take care, and may God bless you richly!

For every day I have on earth
Is given by the King

So I will give my life, my all

To love and follow Him.

- song: My Heart Is Filled With Thankfulness