Psalm 19

The heavens declare the glory of God
The skies proclaim the work of his hands
Day after day they pour forth speech
Night after night they display knowledge
There is no speech or language
Where their voice is not heard
Their voice goes into all the earth
Their words to the ends of the world

In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun
Which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion
Like a champion rejoicing to run his course
It rises at one end of the heavens
And makes its circuit to the other
Nothing is hidden from its heat

The law of the LORD is perfect
Reviving the soul
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy
Making wise the simple
The precepts of the LORD are right
Giving joy to the heart
The commands of the LORD are radiant
Giving light to the eyes
The fear of the LORD is pure
Enduring forever
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
And altogether righteous
They are more precious than gold
Than much pure gold
They are sweeter than honey
Than honey from the comb
By them is your servant warned
In keeping them there is great reward

Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults
Keep your servant also from willful sins
May they not rule over me
Then will I be blameless
Innocent of great transgression

May the words of my mouth
And the meditation of my heart
Be pleasing in your sight
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer

It was in my first term in Bible College of Malaysia that I read Knowing God by J. I. Packer. I guess I did not expect to be astounded by this little classic, but it sure did open my eyes to what God is like. I grew in a deeper understanding of his character and could better grasp the severity of sin and why Jesus had to die for me.

Fast forward to my second term here in BCM and an acquaintance from church sent me a PDF of the book The Pursuit of God by A. W. Tozer. I have not even finished it (this is not a book to be rushed through) and already I have been given the privilege to know God little by little. I have come to know that he is actually a real Person. These revelations are mind-blowing, to say the least.

Knowing about God (mere intellectual assent) is very different from knowing him. No one can know God unless God first draws him. Knowing him is knowing for sure that he has got my back, that he is a real person who is there to talk to me and hear me talk. I discovered that hearing his voice means reading his Word. Knowing him is having a reverent awe toward him and respecting him instead of singing a song with lyrics I don’t mean and praying prayers that aren’t like a real conversation. Knowing him is obeying what he has commanded, though circumstances really suck at times.

I hope to know him more and more and to be a better friend. I hope you will come to know him too.

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12

Thus begins the final week of my month-long retreat in the hometown - until January, because CNY is just around the corner hehe.

Turn away now if you are not interested in weddings... ok... It's too late now, brace yourself for a post on bridesmaids and all things nice and whimsical.

The past three days have been the most fruitful with regard to getting bridesmaid stuff done. May May is getting married in 5 months waaaaah! She has two bridesmaids and this may be the optimum number of bridesmaids to have. I, and a dear friend of my soon-to-be-wedded sister, have a very limited amount of time together to do important stuff (like dress hunting) so we got major things done early... (like, 5 months early, but it's always better earlier than never) which makes it funny, crazy and awesome at the same time.

Bits and pieces from Bridesmaid Adventures:

1. My sister's other bridesmaid and her sister are family friends so things worked out very well! There may be difference in opinions but no spiteful squabbles as can be seen on the Say Yes To The Dress series. It's really cool that we want the best for May May and I am super thankful for good time we had doing stuff. We printed two different designs on the wedding cards (50 of each) because we couldn't figure out which one we liked better and they're both beautiful. Then, we got to the printing shop 15 minutes before it closed. This little rushing saved us about 72 hours... for reasons that are too long to be explained here.

2. To make a nice fold in a wedding card, use the blunt side of a butter knife to draw a line (guided by a straight ruler). Then fold the card in the direction it is supposed to be folded and use the ruler to press it down. There you have it! A professional looking fold without creases that damage the card. Credit goes to my Pa for figuring it out like a genius (with the help of Google).

3. Technographic has (compared to other companies) cheap printing services for your card (or whatever it is that you want to print). It's super easy to find once you know the directions.

4. Dress hunting is an extremely pleasant experience with the right people - it was also an extremely short experience because we found THE dress very quickly. We found the dress (thanks to Amy) in the third shop we entered (thanks to Angeline) in CityONE (thanks to Dad, our Chauffeur) and were able to order another one which will be arriving next month (thanks to God and the Rock Shop and their suppliers). Oh, and our dresses have pockets... Pockets!!!! *ahhhh...* Pockets are just so practical. :P

5. Don't do intense work when you're tired. One's brain can't quite function when overloaded and one may get really impatient with one's Pa. The one thing I dislike more than unnecessary conflict is not resolving the conflict in 5 minutes. So I apologized for snapping... Pa is always ready to forgive. But I think he wasn't offended in the first place so he didn't really know what I was apologizing about. Anyway, yeah, don't overwork yourself.

6. The prospect of surprising and bringing joy to people (in this context, it would be my sister) propels me to finish a project (in this context, cutting wedding cards) ASAP. So, a tip for card-cutter-holics would be to put handiplasts where your fingers are being rubbed raw... then you can continue cutting. But of course, remember to pause for your meals and perhaps a nap (or forget the nap as there's no way you can get a few winks because your mind will be thinking about cutting cards).

Last but not least, don't fold the cards until the date draws near... lest the cockroaches lay their stinky eggs in em.

Dear self,

You are learning to accept. To accept that there will be days you look your best, and there will be days that you look worse than you feel (because you feel comfy in your torn clothes but you may not want to leave the house looking like that).

Stop feeling fake when you're looking your very best (even though you don't carry that image 95% of the time) because it's called "being dressed for the occasion". The you that you are in a chic black dress is the same you in your faded black tee and Cheetah pants.

You are still you - the valuable person that I love. The valuable person that He loves.

Now that you know this, you might want to finish up on your last assignment for the semester.

Thus, the last 3 weeks of my first semester have begun. One sem down, two more to go.

God has blessed. God is so worthy, so true, never-changing - the same yesterday, today and forever. God is real, holy, powerful and good. It is good to remember this when discouraged.

Some of my favourite foods in West Malaysia:
Chapatti is my favourite thing to eat in a mamak
Kopi bru is my favourite drink in that particular mamak
Otak-otak may be my favourite supper (well it sure is the cheapest if we're comparing prices)
Maggi Kari is my favourite Friday dinner.
Luxury biscuits for snacks...

And I haven't gained any weight...

It used to be that I would eat Chappati with Chutney once a week (Thursday breakfast breaks, possibly the best part of Thursday morning class ha ha) but because Monday lunches are not prepared for us, I have upped the Chapatti count to an average of two a week. That means the amount of Chutney in my system might be getting a little unhealthy. Chutney is made of coconut which may or may not cause high cholesterol.

I love my cell group in church - a bunch of us young adults sharing honestly, growing together - intellectually and spiritually, growing towards God. Sundays are great and I am very grateful for them. I can honestly say that I will miss them every holiday when I am back in Kuching.

The weekend was spent with my sister at our aunty's house. At 4:20am (I was sleeping...), I felt something crawl in the blanket and so I pushed it off and continued sleeping. Suddenly, something moved on my thigh! And I sat up and squealed and crushed it dead in my pants with a vengeance! Can you feel how absolutely gross it was??? It was so gross, a few bad words escaped my lips and I am repenting of it. That stupid cockroach who tried to get in my pants is now dead!!!!!!

My brain tells me, "Prisoners living in poor conditions face cockroaches everyday, Rene. You seriously gotta be tougher than this."

Anyway, May is now with the pheeyawnsay in the US of A. He had better take good care of her.

I have one Christian Ethics reflection left to write, several Gospel of Matthew lessons left to prepare and a Children Ministry lesson to perform. And then after that it's holiday for a month and maybe I'll try to earn me some monies... hehehe.

All work done must be done motivated by the love and grace bestowed upon us. The gift of God precedes his demands. So now, I best be getting to work!

Love,
reneyapyapyap!

I went to Seremban last weekend as part of an E-Team.

E-Team stands for Evangelizing Team. But it is more accurate to call it a Ministry Team (M-Team) because our emphasis is on ministry; evangelism just happens to be one of the things that is done. However, I'm used to saying E-Team and it sounds cooler so I'll just stick with that.

In Seremban, E-Team can also mean Eating Team.

There are a few things to say about Seremban - good things. It's small - quite like Kuching! Everywhere is near everywhere and near really means near! So many birds in the air (we can infer that there's lots of bird poop as well but still nice la to drive with a view of swarms of birds)!

I have never experienced generosity to the extent that I did in Seremban. I was blessed to the very extreme! A lovely couple opened their home to us and that was a super awesome treat. A part-time BCM-er brought me to visit STM (Seminari Theologi Malaysia) and I made new acquaintances over the weekend. All our meals were... paid for. I especially enjoyed my first meal in Seremban - Cheese Baked Rice with Pork in iDelicious!

This church showed me what Agape looks like.

Fear and apprehension.

Those were the first emotions I got in touch with when I stepped into IQ70plus – the home for mentally challenged children – for the first time. Inquisitiveness and my spirit of adventure quickly evaporated at the sight of a mentally challenged person moving towards me. My imagination went wild. See, I thought that mentally challenged people were mentally ill/disturbed or demon-possessed like those in the asylum and I thought they would hurt me. Hence, I moved closer to the caretaker who seemed to be the only normal person in the house. It took me some time to feel comfortable.

I looked around, asked some questions and tried to get used to the surrounding of faces staring at me with their distorted facial features and some contorted bodies.

There was this dark child. I mistook her for a boy for the most part of the time I was there. She couldn’t tell me otherwise. She held a picture book, pointed at an image and slurred “kalur” (colour) and “meow” (cat). She touched my hand and I flinched. Again, the fear of violent assault crossed my mind. I was afraid that this mentally challenged child would hit me. But she took my hand and placed it on the book. I pointed to the images and said something about colours, clothes, the cat, shoes and bed, and turned to the next page. We did that for the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes is quite some time – especially if the book only has five pages. At the end of it, she was no smarter, and I was a little more enlightened. At least, that is what I hope.

About a month later, I visited again – mainly to speak to one of the workers there in order to fulfill my assignment and hopefully, to learn something as well.

Meet Suseela who was 6 months into the job as a carer, a devoted 44-year-old Hindu woman with short hair that made her look ten years younger. A long, long time ago, it was her dream to become what she is today – a carer for the mentally challenged. Not many people have this “calling” it seems (or perhaps they turn a deaf ear?). Yet, can we really blame them? It is extremely difficult to love a person who (due to the limitations of their mental faculties) cannot love you back. Suseela possesses an innate love and compassion for the children, as well as her love for her Hindu god. “Mesti sabar dan mesti sayang mereka” is a summary of how she deals with the challenges that come with caring for 31 children along with a few other workers.

The children are, for the most part, happy persons. They know not many things, and they know not that they know not.

Bibi is a 16-year-old shirtless boy with a shaved head and hands in his diapers. One thing that he likes is to play with soap. More accurately, if he is not given soap, he would play with excrement. BoyBoy is an underweight, pleasant, obedient boy who comes when called. There’s also an adult guy (these children aren’t exactly children in terms of their physical age) who helpfully folded clothes and carried them in with a big smile on his face.

Some lie on the ground, unable to get up and walk because the mental handicap prevents them from learning how to. Others sit on chairs, looking like they watch television all day long but it is more likely that they are in their own world doing their own thing. They grow old and bigger in size physically, but their minds remain that of an infant.

And I wondered, what purpose does their existence serve?

I think one reason is that they serve to remind us. To remind us that we are not all that complete either and that we will never be perfectly complete (physically, mentally and spiritually) as long as we remain on this earth, finite and fallen. They remind us to be grateful for what we already possess – our mental faculties. That I am able to write this reflection paper and you are able to read and understand it is something to be thankful to God about. They teach us to love, though they themselves are unable to love.

Still, after all the assignments are written, the nagging question remains.

Do we really care?